Dubya's European Diary
June 12. Spain

The Spaniards call their country Espana with the funny squiggly thing over the "N". Just like they do in Mexico. I wonder if there's a connection? Met the King and Queen Nice folks. Very nice crowns I might add. I'll have to check with Dick and see if Laura and I can get a couple of those for official funtions. I also met with the President (Premier? Prime Minister?) He seemed a little testy just because I mispronounced his name. They sure have a lot of protesters here. What are they so angry about? Hmmm..

June 13. Belgium
Gee, this is one small country. Why I've seen bigger bowling alleys down in Texas. And the houses are crammed in like so many chicken coops. Except these are like, old chicken coops. We were supposed to stay in Brussels but we're staying in Bruxelles instead. And that's fine, because I hate Brussel sprouts, which I'm sure they were going to serve with dinner. Met with NATO's top brass. Amazing amount of decorations on their uniforms. More medals and ribbons than at an Eagle Scout Awards Ceremony. The missile defense thing got a rather cool reception. I wanteed to buy Laura a couple of those big honking Hershey bars this afternoon, but I couldn't find a CVS to save my life. So I ended up paying way too much at some high-end chocolatier. The King and Queen are quite nice. Two more fancy-dancy crowns. And they must have bussed all those protesters up here from Spain (Espana). They don't seem to be cooling down a whole lot.

June 14. Sweden
I don't know what the whining about global warming is all about--I froze my can off today. It coudn't have been more than 50°. Got together with Prime Minister Goeran Perrson. I told him he was a real nice "person". I don't think he got the joke. Pretty country with all the best features of America. Shopping centers, 8-lane freeways, and factories. Met the King and Queen. They were kinda taken aback when I asked them how much their crowns cost. They had to cancel the big state dinner, which was dissapointing, mainly because I was counting on sampling some of those famous Swedish meatballs. Hey, what's with all those protesters? Don't they have day jobs? And what's with them dropping their pants. Must be some local custom for when you have gas or something.

June 15. Poland
Boy, they sure could use some more vowels here! Everything is cz this and scz that. Take this President Kwasniewski fellow. Heck, his name looks like the first few lines of an eye chart. Funny incident: I asked someone what the temperature was and he said it was 21 degrees. I think he was having fun with me 'cause it sure felt a lot closer to 70. I had a couple of dandy Polish jokes ready to go, but my aides said maybe I should save them for Putin. At dinner, every time we toasted, the Poles kept shouting, "Nice driveway!" Curious people. The protesters must not have been able to get visas, because I sure didn't see any.

June 16. Slovenia
It's great to be here in the country that used to be half of Czechoslovenia. I told the group of leaders that they looked very slovenly, and they seemed to take my compliment the wrong way. Met with Putin today at an old manor outside Brdop Pri Kraju. Try saying that10 times in a a row quickly. I looked him in the eyes and frankly, they were a little bloodshot. (I'll bet he likes his vodka). His English wasn't too good, but then again, neither is mine. Overall, the trip was a success. I think the Europeans are coming around on missile defense. Except for France and Germany--but I've heard they're pretty small countries, so that's okay. The protesters were back in full force. They must have taken a wrong turn on their way to Warsaw yesterday.